The Raffle
by CakeEmperor
Summary: Equestria and Earth are now at peace... However, it is illegal for humans to go to Equestria and for ponies to go to Earth, with the exception of The Raffle. The Raffle will allow one human to live in Equestria for ten years. What if, that human never wanted to go in the first place? Even worse, he is stuck by Celestia's side 24/7... (In process of being fixed)
1. Horse Politics

x Classified Document A776 x

(Morgan Freeman Speaking)

June 5th 2047- February 10th 2050, Russian scientists have found a planet in the Milky Way, very similar to Earth, and was soon named Loshad' Zemli. Having the advanced technology that was not available in the past, the three super-powers, China, The Republic of America and Russia, sent machines and then later, humans, to explore the planet. The planet was found to be fully inhabited with intelligent creatures as ourselves; being sapient beings, also having equine features.

Going fully against orders, the American and Russian soldiers opened fire upon a few of the world's local citizens, causing a war against worlds.

The war lasted for two months before the leader of the world, attempted a peace treaty, approaching herself, completely unarmed.

Two years later, the treaty was signed and the alien world was ironically renamed 'Equestria' with the exception, of it being illegal for one to visit either world, the penalty being immediate execution.

However, Earth soon went into a depression due to an over-budget of space-grade military weapons. The chosen delegate of Equestria, Princess Celestia, agreed to hold a raffle that one human, and one human only, could visit Equestria for a total ten years.

Completely uncreative with the naming of the fund-raiser, the event was soon remembered as 'The Raffle'

This, is the story of the man, who not only won the raffle, but started a revolution among humans and ponies alike. This, is the story of Jack Harrison...

"Dude! She's a friggin horse! Why would you like her like that?!"

"Duh... she's an 'alien' horse... that's kinky stuff! Wouldn't you want to be with an alien?"

"Yeah Jack... wouldn't you want to do be with a big, mean, alien like me?"

BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP!

"Ughhhh..." I moaned, trying to block out the sound with my pillow, the weird dream still engraved within my brain.

BEEP BEEP **BEEP BEEP BEEP!**

However, the most annoying sound in the world just amplified, slowly becoming louder and louder...

"ALRIGHT! I'M UP!" I shouted, slamming the snooze button five times, nearly breaking the poor machine.

However, instead of doing anything, I just sat there, trying to adjust to the horrible beaming light. Slowly, my half-lidded eyes, opened, adjusting to what seemed like the sun trying to kill me, with the amount of brightness that flooded the room. Once I was done adjusting, I lazily made my way to the bathroom, to do what one would generally do in the bathroom.

On my way to the kitchen, it was then, that I heard the T.V suddenly blink on, _"The Equestrians are now are holding a raffle, to increase capital within our world. One lucky winner, will get the chan-"_

I didn't really care what the reporter had to say, so I just began to pour some cereal, blocking the reporter out with my mind. Once the oats were nearly filled to the brim, I soon shuffled my way towards my old, rugged couch, trying my hardest to keep the cereal from spilling over. Stretching my neck and yawning, I carefully sat down next to my roommate, "Morning dude."

...

I looked over to find him drooling, asleep from playing video-games all night. Weird thing was, he still was holding the controller.

_Beep! Beep! Beep!_

A smaller alarm began beeping from my watch, signaling that I had to leave, "Later dude.". With that, I quickly got up, accidentally spilling cereal all over my shirt.

"Dammit!"

Not having enough time to change, I poured the rest of it into the sink, on my way out of the door.

6:15 A.M

"Man! I saw that video you sent me... why don't you just stay a DJ more... this job sucks."

Believe it or not, I was talking to my boss. You see, his father died a few years ago, leaving his son the entire business. His son, however, never takes anything seriously... which can be good and bad.

I smiled lazily, still tired, "I would be a DJ again, but the pay isn't that good. This job is much better."

My boss then gave me that stare...

"Jack... You are the hardest working person here. I mean, look at you, you work so hard that you forgot that you have a massive sperm stain on your shirt, and you don't even give a damn!"

'WHAT!?'

I looked down, and saw the milk I spilled from earlier. I quickly yanked off my shirt, still having an under-shirt, luckily.

I mumbled in defeat, "It's milk..."

He laughed, "Well it doesn't look like it! Jessie, come over here!"

With his call, the girl I had a crush on for months walked over. He soon plucked the shirt from the ground, "Jessie, what is this?"

The woman, now blushing, stuttered, "It- it's, a, I have to go!"

My boss turned back over to me and gave me that, 'I told you so' smirk, making me sigh. Sadly, he wasn't done speaking. He put on his God-Father voice and shook his finger at me, "You... you're good. You're good." Soon, his voice faded back to normal, "But, look, you need a vacation... go to Florida or some place, I really don't care. Your starting to make _me _depressed.

Knowing that it would be an un-paid vacation, my eyes bolted open, "It's ok man, I'm-"

He interrupted me, "First of all, don't talk to me like that... I'm your boss. Second of all, I'm not asking. I'll see you in a month."

7:00 A.M

Cause you had a bad day...

You're taking one down...

You sing a sad song just to turn it around~ ssshrh

Our song on the radio, but it don't sound the saaaame~ sssshr

Say something I'm giving up on you~

That was it, I just turned the radio off because literally every song was depressing, making me want to cry a river.

It didn't matter anyway, since I already arrived at my place. I noticed that some plants and such were knocked over near my apartment door, but, I ignored it... it was probably the wind.

I luckily, only had two keys. One was for my car, and the other was for the door, so, it took me two seconds to find the right one. When I did, I pushed it into the key-hole and the door creaked open...

_Creeeeak..._

Putting two and two together, I realized someone probably robbed the place, again, so, I walked in to see the damage. As I did, I found the place to still be clean, well... at least what me and my roommate called 'clean'. So, I assumed that Ryan just forgot to lock the door. Yawning for the final time, I lazily, plopped down on my couch, threw off my shoes, and flung my keys on the coffee table.

Smiling, I began to drift off into another dreamless sleep...

_Crash!_

A moment passed until I jumped, cursing at my low-reflexes and peered around my surroundings, looking for something to defend myself with. Soon, I spotted a pillow on the couch, and yanked it from it's original place, only to use it as a shield. Extremely scared, I tried speaking in a really deep, and intimidating voice, "Yo! Who in muh house?!"

... No Answer.

My breathing quickened as I stalked around the corner with the pillow, trying to find what was now making metallic clinging noises. In the corner of my eye, I saw what looked to be a horse-leg, laying on the floor. Now confused, I quickly swiveled around the corner to find an enormous, pink, plastic horse on the floor and my roommate, rummaging through the cabinets.

"Ryan, what are you doing?" I asked, only half relieved.

My friend looked up to me and gave me a determined grin, "Jack, do you know what day it is?"

I didn't answer him. Instead, I just stared at him, with a blank expression on my face.

He rolled his eyes, "Seriously? Jack, today is the official Raffle day! I bought two tickets, so that means you're going."

"Alright... fine dude, thanks. I never saw one of those things in real life, it might be cool."

Ryan's smirk only grew even more.

5:00 P.M or something... you don't care what time it is.

"So, what even is the raffle prize? You get to kiss Celestia's ass?"

Ryan started to laugh, manically. We were both waiting in line, along with literally tens of thousands of other people, nearly blocking out our voices completely. Men and women were camping on the outside of the line, while the police, seemingly guarded everyone. Other people looked bored to tears, but luckily, I had a DJ app on my phone and was trying to mix two completely different songs while talking to Ryan.

Watching me work the cross-faders, my roommate put on his best, sarcastic-seductive voice, "No... but I bet you'd want to."

Smirking, I punched him in the shoulder, "That's gross. What are you even gonna do with that plastic horse?"

His smirk grew like a madman, scaring me slightly before he continued, "You'll see... it's gonna be awesome."

...

We stood in line some more, waiting, until I felt something tap my shoulder. Behind me, was a man wearing a black suit, and a wire clipped to his ear. He looked like one of those secret service people. Confirming my suspicions, the man mumbled something into his wire, before looking back to me, "You need to come with me."

My roommate looked up to us with wide-eyes and I smiled, trying to assure him... and me, "It's alright dude, I didn't do anything wrong. I'll ju- Ow!"

A jab suddenly impaled my side, making me crouch in pain. Before I could respond, a bag was jerked onto my head. Then, my world went black...

x Unknown Time x

Slowly, I woke up... smelling a strange incense, smelling much like tea leaves and acid.

I lazily lifted my head to find a white horse looking at me, bowing her head in a sad fashion, "Oh my... I didn't know your government would do that to you, I'm terribly sorry."

My eyes suddenly snapped wide-open, "Your the legendary sun horse! You- your Princess Celery!"

Rolling her eyes, she shook her head, "Yes... would you kindly present to me your ticket?"

Why does she want to see my ticket? I didn't win. I probably just had a faulty ticket or something. My eyes drifted a bit over her wings and hooves in curiosity, before forcing my eyes back to her eyes, "Yeah, I have my ticket. Don't worry though, I don't even want to win. I'm happy being here on Earth."

For some reason, Princess Celery seemed somewhat relieved, "Oh, ok. Yes, in actuality, I was expecting another, specific human to have the winning ticket. Also, _*ahem* _my name is Celestia."

I smiled, "Ok, Princess. I'm just going to le-"

"STOP!" Out of nowhere, a weird unicorn, wearing a tux and monocle, leaped over to us, "No! If you reject the offer, there is an enormous chance of war. That would be breaking our treaty, and the humans are a _very_ meticulous species!"

For me, every word he said went straight through me, for I was instead, trying to think of a way to escape, "...Ok."

Still nervous, the unicorn began pushing me forward, "Good! Then let's go shall we? Princess, stop standing there! You are part of the treaty as well!"

In front of me, was a tent opening, along with a bright light being emitted from it. Time seemed to slow down at that moment, a mixture of Earth music and some of those weird Equestrian Instruments were playing loudly, making me sink into my own shoes. As the unicorn let me go, he opened the tent slit and what I saw, was utterly astonishing. Millions, upon millions of people were in rows, both cheering and booing, while I stood at the end of what seemed like a football stadium.

Massive screens were available to the crowd, showing a close-up of my face and I looked like shit, having a horrible black-eye. Now, I used to be a DJ, so usually confidence is on my side... but, this was entirely different and I soon began to sweat bullets. Behind me, was the Princess of horses, her face smiling like nothing happened back in the tent. A mic was in the middle of the stadium, so I walked over there; both ponies following me.

When I got there, the entire crowd went silent, conjuring up billions of chills, only for them to creep down my body.

I cleared my throat and tapped the mic, "Hello..."

I was greeted by a few faint, sarcastic-laughs and coughs, so, I continued speaking into the mic,"... alright, this is scary, I'm sweating like crazy over here!"

I was surprisingly greeted by half the crowd lightly laughing, giving me encouragement... "Haha, so, it's amazing to see so many people here. Celestia is a really good per- pony, and a wonderful leader and here she stands now."

More people cheered as Celestia smiled calmly. I continued and turned my head back to it's original position, by looking over the crowd, to avoid nervousness, "I also wanted to say, that I'm sorry not all of you could win, because you are all awesome people. But, please just remember, life is an obstacle course... there will always be bad... and good. The more obstacles you go over, the stronger you get, then, you will be able to be happy. Running off to another world won't make you happy, since there will be obstacles there too."

The people stayed silent as I continued, "Those, were some of the wise words my grandpa told me; he had a really good soul. I probably shouldn't tell you this, but I used to be depressed, however, he told me that I had my eyes closed. He told me, I saw something I didn't like, so, I shut it out along with the light."

Knowing I was gaining people's attention, I tried copying Celestia's calm smile, "So, my grandpa then told me, that in order to see the light again, I needed to open my eyes... and I did and found beauty within the world. This, is because day ALWAYS comes after night, but there will always be day and there will always be night, whether you like it or not."

As I finished, the entire crowd cheered and I was shaking from the amount of excitement I felt, "And here, is another wonderful soul, who cares so much about bringing day, literally _and_ metaphorically to others, please welcome, Princess celer-uh, Celestia!"

The stadium filled with shouts of joy even though the princess was just standing there, gawking at me. I laughed and gestured her to the crowd and she snapped out of it and walked over to the mic.

"... I honestly, never heard anything like that, even in my long, long, long, _*ahem* _very long life... your grandpa was a very wise man, Jack. However, without further adieu, let the ceremony begin!"

Suddenly, the music began playing again and people began rushing towards the ground, to dance and have fun.

I was about to join them, until a random force lifted me, possibly being one of those crazy horse powers that I've learned about. Alongside me, was Celestia and the same unicorn-pony with the monocle... and then two, random soldier-ponies.

Scared of the answer, I asked anyway, "Uh... sir, where are we going?"

He looked up to me, gleaming, "My friend... you, are going to Equestria!"


	2. A Heart-Warming Welcoming

**Chapter 2: A heart-warming welcoming.**

_Carry on, my wayward son~_

_There'll be peace when you are done~_

_Lay your weary head to rest~_

_Don't you cry no mo-_

Suddenly, my $200 dollar head-phones were ripped from my head, cutting the music off completely!

"What the!" I yelped, entirely from shock, and responded by quickly swiveling on my feet, only to stare directly, head-to-head, with an evil-looking, Equestrian, unicorn guard.

He glared ice-cold daggers at me, his horn shining and my headphones magically floating right next to his own face. The walking buzz-kill then growled, "No importing earthly items!"

I glared back, not knowing my place at the time, "Oh yeah? So, I guess I have to give you all of my clothes too, right?"

**20 minutes later...**

I was now sitting, completely naked with the same guard keeping an eye on me. Angry, I rolled my eyes and asked the guard innocently, "Look, if your gay, that's one thing... but, this isn't the way to try to court me."

The guard in response, just ignored me, guarding me just like a boring guard would.

Basically, this is what happened... This morning, my friend entered both of us into a raffle, where one human, would 'be able' to go to Equestria for a decade...

Supposedly, I won the raffle, with the odds being 1 to 1 _billion_!

I thought the winner would at least have a good time, like anyone would on a vacation, but nope! I was so generously 'walked' to a space-shuttle and was then, shoved in, basically treating me like an animal. They even stripped me of _all _my belongings.

I looked back over to my 'bodyguard' and smiled politely, "I do appreciate this wondrous excursion. However, this outing has made me quite parched. If you would be so kind, I would like a glass of wine, Butler."

With that, I suddenly felt a sharp, jab of pain make it's self noticeable, in my right-side. It was as if something was impaled into my side! I fell down, crouching and groaning, holding my inflicted area as it pulsed painfully, searching aptly for my attacker. Looking up, I found the same unicorn, now towering over me, "You pathetic human! I know what you monsters do! You come over to us, hurt us, then leave like nothing happened! I honestly hate our princess knowing she didn't let you suffer in your own debts!"

Soon, he brought up his spear with his powers, and proceeded to plow it into my shoulder. Flesh tore open at the contact, making all of my nerves feel like they were all set on fire, as I yelped. All I could leave out was a yelp, for my mouth was immediately forced closed by some invisible force.

The same spear then was yanked out, triggering even more pain. I tried to move, but I was paralyzed!

That's when the guard leaned in closer to me. I felt his breath sweep over my face, and his eyes darkened with raw hatred for me.

For the first time... I was scared.

Next thing I knew, my arm felt numb. I moved my eyes to look at the injury, and it was closing up! When it was fully healed, I was dropped by whatever was making my paralyzed. Instinct took over, and I scooted away from my attacker.

The unicorn smirked as he creeped back over to me. He raised his head before spitting out his last words, "You follow _my _orders _monkey_... If you even _think _you are better than the worthless monster you are, I will see it to myself, that you will be 'accidentally' killed, during your ten years in Equestria, do you understand?!"

Not even daring to make another 'Kinky, Dominant Sex' Joke, I simply nodded, that responsed a satisfied grunt. With that, the guard marched back over to his position, and pulled some kind of seat-belt that was attached to the wall, over him.

_Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuusssssssssssss_

The sound of an engine starting, could be heard echoing throughout the entire shuttle.

That would make sense that he needed a seatbelt.

Then, realization kicked in, as I looked down at my stomach, noticing the lack of seat-belt. My eyes bolted wide-open, "Wait! I need-" I was cut off once again, after hearing a thunderous rumble. I was violently thrown upwards and heard a sickening crack of bones as my world instantly turned black...

...

My eyes lurched open, my heart seemingly pounding out of my chest, and my ears were ringing painfully. Something was off, like time was missing... but I didn't care at the moment. Instead, I slowly and painfully opened my eyes. As I did, I noticed that everything around me was just a blur. I was awake now, but still in a daze, hearing muffled voices in the background. The ringing began to die down. Trying to process what was happening, I attempted to lift my hand in front of my face. As I did, the process of my hand moving in front of my face, was like one of those old-fashioned movies, with the scenes shifting every second. This can't be good.

After a while, my daze began to fade away as well, but a lurching pain in my stomach began to get worse. My eyes also, started to see what was around me. What I saw however, was absolutely terrible. Right in front of me... was so scary, and so vile, that grown men would run away from it's sight. The horrible thing hovering it's head over mine in conern, was nothing more, than Princess Celestia, the leader of all the evil ponies, "My goodness... are you alright?"

'Of course Princess! Other than your guard trying to kill me, me being trapped on an internet-less, woman-less world for ten years and worst of all, my awesome headphones being contraband, everything's just peachy!'

I cowered back a little, "...yeah"

Softly, I dropped my head to look at myself, and noticed that I was luckily, fully clothed again, with my old clothes. Not caring at how I got my clothes back, I instead, started to sit up and stretch a few muscles. The Princess in response, backed up slowly to give me some space.

I tiredly inspected the room to find a beautiful, golden light, glow blissfully from the many medieval-looking, glassless windows. The floor was tiled with white marble, while the walls seemed to be made from sandstone. It was at that moment, that I knew I wasn't in Earth anymore. I looked back at Celestia, where she was sitting on the ground like a dog, looking at me and smiling. It was really fucking adorable actually, I just wanted to give her some wittle tummy wubs. But I knew what she really was. She was evil.

I fake-yawned, "Well, it was really nice talking to you Princess, but I better get going..."

With that, I pushed myself up but instantly felt a jolt of pain streak throughout my entire body. I yelped and plopped back down.

Celestia now frowning, lit up her horn and my pain subsided.

She walked over to me, and whispered to herself, "...you're still injured. Who would do this to you?"

I laughed the most cringe-worthy, fake-laugh that anybody has ever heard. It was the type of laugh you would make, when your boss made a really bad joke. After a while, I caught the Princess staring at me with a confused and conerned face.

A moment of awkward silence passed, before I started speaking again, "Thank you for your concern Princess, but I'm fine!"

To prove my point, I started standing up, "See? Perfectly-"

Another annoying jab of pain was ignited in my shoulder. I looked back to Celestia, who flinched from my pain, but continued watching me, worringly.

"Perfectly fine! I guess that air-ride was just a bit... bumpy. Either way, I can walk! Seriously!"

Celestia just stared at me even more... I started to sweat.

Luckily, the Princess gave me a break, and sighed, "That will do for now... in the mean time, please meet your new royal escourts. I can assure you they are... trusted. I would like to have a talk with you now, however, I must speak with your leaders. Goodbye Jack, I will speak to you as soon as the meeting is over." With that, light formed around her and she exploded... into an aura of light, and vanished, teleporting like it's a completely normal thing to do!

_'Wait... escorts?' _I searched around the room and found my two 'bodyguards' standing put, in the corner. They looked exactly like the ones who almost killed me!

They didn't even meet my gaze. All they did, was stare at nothing in particular, and face forward.

I coughed awkwardly, "So... you guys like cards?"

**2 hours later**

"How am I cheating? If anything, you can easily cheat with your magic!"

"Well, yes... but there is no logical way, you can win four times in a row!"

I threw up a chesire-cat smile, before directing my face back at the butthurt guard, "So... you forfeit?"

The guard smiled before throwing another five bits into the pile, "Hit me!"

Soon, an ominous wind began gushing from all directions, forcing me and the guards to cover our eyes from the flying debree. The wind, also blew the cards and bits into a spiral, much like a tornado.

A golden light began to form as ball in the center of all of the spiraling wind, before it popped, forming a panting, worried, white, pony princess.

Celestia immediately layed her eyes on me, before jolting over, and examining nearly every part of my body, "Jack! Are you hurt?"

The magic show, on the other hand, scared me to death! Ponies! I swear they want to kill me! I knew better, though. I knew everything she said was just to lower my guard down. These ponies won't fool me...

After the princess realized that I was fine, her ears rotated a complete ninety degrees, at the sound of some shuffling. She cocked her head towards the sound; finding one guard standing stiffer than a block of concrete, and the other one awkwardly frozen, in a awkward position of attempting to stealthfully pick up a bit with his mouth, and attempting to do the traditional guard-stance at the same time.

Celestia sighed, "You two are dismissed."

As soon as she finished the last word, both ponies flew out of the door, leaving me and the horse overlord, alone.

Celestia looked to me, and frowned , "You know... I do care about you, Jack. You are in Equestria now, so I now consider you to be _my _subject."

I scoffed, "Yeah! Of course! And, I assume that guard back in the shuttle was just the friendly, Equestrian way of saying, 'Welcome to Equestria! I hope you enjoy your stay!"

Her frown was only getting worse, "I'm sorry... We are trying to find who did that to you. When we opened the shuttle gate, we found you laying there, alone, completely unconscious. Me and my sister even had a parade prepared for you."

I just shut her out. Likely story, it was her guard! I'm not falling for this train of lies; that is, politics. I could be watching The Walking Dead right now, and petting my cat. But nooooooo, because of stupid politics, I am sucked into this mess!

I didn't answer, leaving Celestia to stare at me, and think about what she did. Of course, she didn't though. Instead, she raised her head, and gently spoke to me, "Jack, please follow me. I will show you to your room."

I stood up, and followed Celestia out of the clinic. She actually seemed really sad, which is weird. In public, she always has this modest smile on her face. It was basically her default-face, everywhere she went. Maybe- wait, no! Nonono! She is playing mind games with me, I won't let her win!

I put up my own poker face as I walked side-to-side with the alicorn. This didn't seem to affect her at all.

The rest of the walk, none of us talked. Not a single word... but, what would you expect? She obviously wanted me dead, and I knew what she wanted. It was like a cobra and a mongoose pretending to be friends.

However, the silent walk of awkwardness came to a halt, as we came across another hallway, that had one door in the very center.

The walls of the hallway, looked to be made of some strange purple stone, with gold outlining where the walls ended. The door, was made entirely entirely of gold, and had two golden figure, of what I assumed to be the evil sun pony herself, and her sister. She gestured me inside, and so I did. I grasped the golden doorknob, and peeled open the door. When I looked inside, I found a very, very large room. It was massive! You could fit an entire soccer team in here, and have a seperate bed for everyone.

A gargantuan window could be located in the center of the wall, with golden drapes blocking out half of the light, giving the room a majestic glow. The walls still sustained the purple and gold theme, and where the bed should be, was instead a massive, purple pillow.

Of course, I wanted to throw myself onto the pillow and shout, but I had to keep it down, otherwise Celestia would think her deception was working.

My face did brighten though, and obviously, Celestia knew it. When she saw my face, her tiny smile sprung back up. She giggled, "I see you like the room?"

Keep your cool, Jack!

"Y-yeah. It's, bigger than my old apartment, that's for sure."

Celestia nodded, before peering out of the window on the other side of the room, "Jack, what would you think of me, if I told you that I moved the sun?"

Moving the sun?! Just because you are the solar princess, doesn't mean you can move the entire sun. Even though there are two suns on your toosh... unless, that's what she means... gross.

I cocked my eyebrow, "If unicorn-magic was that powerful, I would probably freak out."

She didn't answer, instead, she closed her eyes and hummed, "Well, then. Our sun works differently in Equestria. The sun actually drops and replaces the moon within seconds. It might scare you, so I suggest you close your eyes. I assure you, that it's natural."

She opened her eyes again, and smiled at me, "I predict that it will happen by the time I leave. I will see you in the morning."

_"Wait, what?!"_

I didn't close my eyes though, instead, I rushed over to the window and glared at the sun, trying to make myself believe that it would slowly, slowly, set. But, nope! I watched in horror while the sun, and all of it's light just completely dropped out of the sky, and the moon and stars popped up, where the sun used to be.

_"This is not natural!"_

A knock was present on the door, it was Celestia, "You may open your eyes, now. Goodnight, Jack."

I heard metallic hoofsteps tap away from the door, as I zombie-walked over to my pillow. I kept repeating the same thought in my head, 'This is not natural!'

Completely shocked, I slowly layed down onto the pillow, and sunk into it. There was no blanket, but it sucked me inside, like a blob of fluffy quick-sand. It was the most comfortable thing I have ever felt,and pillow smelt nice too. It smelled like fresh, washed laundry... but the sun dropping like that... did something to my brain, and all I could think of was the same scene, playing over, and over, and over again.

_"There's no way this is natural! I hate this damn planet. Worst of all, I have to spend ten years here..."_

I rolled over to my side, to get more comfortable, taking in the smell of the pillow. And with that, I just layed there, not being able to sleep. I mean, how could I?

_Tap! Tap! Tap!_

There was some tapping being heard from the window. Whatever it was, it wouldn't matter anyway, there was absolutely no way, I would be getting any sleep tonight.

"_Hey! Let me in!" Tap! Tap! Tap!_

A voice?! What?

With that, I tried getting up, but I struggled getting out of all of the pillow.

The voice outside was relentless, _"Please, open up!" Taptaptaptaptap!_

Finally, I managed to get one of my legs out of the pillow, before pushing myself over and knocking the entire pillow over with me. Finally gaining some power, I pushed the annoying things over, and bolted to the window, to find some random pegasus mare outside, holding a letter in her mouth.

I sought for some type of opening for the window, but there was none! Seriously, this shitty medieval thing that Celestia has going on, has went too far!

The mare pressed a hoof to the glass and looked into my eyes.

It was strange, her eyes are glowing now for some reason-

POOF!

And just like that, the mare was no longer outside, but sitting on my chest, still holding the envelope. I will never get used to this world...

The pegasus shook her head in discomfort, before finally dropping the letter to the ground. She looked with at me slight fear etched into her face, "Sir, this teleportation potion will not last very long. Your Earth leaders wanted you to have this.."

She gestured to the crumpled envelope, "..this, scroll. I must leave, goodbye."

I glanced down at the letter, "Alright, but could you-" As I looked back up, she was gone. Fantastic!

Sighing to myself, I ripped open the oddly human-like envelope.

Now, there are two things that could happen...

One, I read the stupid letter, and something extremely bad will happen.

Or two, I read the letter, and the letter tells me that the human embassy screwed up, and I get sent back home!

Nimbly, I lifted the piece of paper, and read aloud,

**Central Intelligence Agency Document 34:10**

**Hello, Mr. Harrison.**

**We have news, suggesting that Princess Celestia, and Luna, are in fact, terrorists.**

**For your time remaining in the Equestrian atmosphere, you obliged to record everything, and anything Celestia communicates.**

**Evidence suggests that she plans to commit genocide on all of mankind, therefore, she is not to be trusted.**

**If you had not been informed, the ponies in fact, have a large array of 'magic' to be used at their own, personal, use. The princess has been known to use her 'magic', to influence the minds of others. Do not, let her influence your mind.**

**Presenting this message to any individual, will be considered treasonous. Not recording their communications, and refusing of service, will also be considered treason and you will be arrested on sight.**

**If you agree, then please wipe your right brow within the next five minutes.**

**Afterwards, you are ordered to terminate this message.**

**Good luck, and bless America.**

Wait, what?! Wipe your brow, or I will be arrested? See? This is why I hate politics! Ok, think... the New America people, probably put some kind of camera or something in here.

Cautiously, I roamed my eyes around the room, for anything out of place. As I did, I found a stuffed giraffe sitting in the corner of the room.

I strode over to it, picked it up, and investigated it. Usually, in those spy movies, people would always put cameras in the eyes.

I tapped the eye, but didn't feel anything unusual. Turning it over, I found a tag on it...

**To Luna, From Celestia**

D'awwwwwww- wait, no! Focus!

Alright, so I have to admit that I don't trust Celestia. I also know that I don't trust the new founding fathers. So, why do I even have to get involved? This matter should be Celestia, and the rest of humanity. I'm just a loser, who lives barely above minimum wage, and has a cat. I'm not risking my life over this.

Knowing that it has been about three minutes already, I hurriedly wiped my right brow.

...

And... nothing happened.

Alright, hopefully, I can get some sleep!

I sulked over to the pillow, before landing face-first on the weird bed, immediately sinking into it.

* * *

Meanwhile, in another city, far away.

"Who is this man?!"

"I don't know..."

"Who ist this man?!"

"The Raffle winner."

"WHO IST DIS MAN?!"

"That man, is your mother you stupid nazi!"

Clearly angered now, the German interrogator punched the victim in the face, sickeningly crushing his nose into an unnatural position, forcing blood to be pushed from it. They were both in a dimmed room with no windows, and only a single light bulb in the center of the ceiling, to allow them to see.

The elder, American man, had a plastic restraint that tied both his hands together... as for his legs, he lost his legs long ago.

The veteran soon forcefully sucked in all of his rage. He's been in several interrogations before, and knew that anger would be his worst enemy. The only problem is that he was never interrogated by any of America's old allies before, "Sorry if I offended you, _sir_... but the rules of the Raffle clearly state that one _random _person would be able to go to Equestria. Did you expect a specific person to be chosen, instead? That would be cheating..."

With no new emotion, the German pulled out another chair and sat in it, cupping his chin thoughtfully towards his prisoner. His face soon broke out into a determined grin, "Dat is exactly it though... the real raffle ticket, was 'mysteriously' lost, making Harrison, the next raffle winner. Even weirder, is that even before we received this information, he already left for his vacation to pony-land."

The retired CIA agent scoffed, "Maybe so... but what do _I _have to do with any of this?! I fled all the way to Europe to get away from all of this, and now I'm being interrogated?!"

The other man finally formed a malicious smirk, "I was just getting to that part. You see, when we tried finding owt information about the situation, we found that you, and specifically you, attempted contact vit Harrison himself. You of all people should know- _Crash!'_

Both men snapped their heads towards the door, interrupted from the loud sound.

...

Suddenly multiple gun-shots and a few shouts were apparent from outside the room. This, made the younger man dash over to the door, pull some sort of pistol out of his coat and stood, alert at the door. He glared at the older man, and shouted, letting most of his accent through, "I svear! Eef any of dese people are jour _friends_, I vill not hesitate to shoot you myself!"

With that, he ran off... joining whatever was going on out there.

More gun-shots were heard, but eventually everything died down... leaving the ex-agent to do absolutely nothing but sit there.

What could he do? Pull a laser-beam out of his bum, cut the bands and conjure up a rocket-powered, wheel-chair, only to fly away from the battlefield?! Nope! All he could do, is fearlessly watch the door and expect for the worse.

...

Soon, some kind of chrome-claw was abruptly impaled through the walls. For a while, it just stood, frozen in place, but then moved in a circular motion, tearing open a ginormous hole in the wall, only to show the rest of it's body. It was some kind of chrome-spider-robot-thing, with two 50. cal barrels on it's back. Unfortunately, that wasn't the worse part... the worst part was the small blue flag on it's side... it was the Republic of America.

The man glared at it, not taking his eyes off as it silently crawled across the wall and finally looked upon it's prey. It's metallic and lifeless eye focusing on his face like a camera, possibly deciding his fate.

Soon, the spider rose one of it's claws and directed it towards the man's throat... but then luckily... and slowly, slid the claw towards the plastic handcuffs, snapping them in two. With that, several men wearing all black and with advanced weapons, casually strode towards him. Once they arrived, one of them, for some reason, helped the old man up, "Any suspicions of treason can be forgiven right now, _if _and only if you allow us to escort you to a shuttle."

The old man gasped for air after a second, leaning his old and worn head to hang. After a while of processing of what was going on, he slowly nodded, "...First, I want a beer. Then, I want a vanilla ice cream cone, dipped in chocolate and caramel. If there's extra beer, put it in the ice cream."


	3. Jack Ass

...

"Ok! Here is the plan!"

I was sitting in the middle of the floor now... not even thirty minutes ago, the sun just randomly popped up. Seriously, it literally popped up, like a toaster! Aha! Anyways, for some stupid reason, I overslept and was now officially going crazy. To the right of me, was Mr. Soap and to the left was Doug the Tooth-Brush.

I smirked at Doug, now having the most brilliant plan ever, "Ok, Doug... what I need you to do, is be a distraction... you, sneak into Celestia's underwear drawer and scare her while me and Mr. Soap run off." However, Doug didn't seem to like my idea, for he just kept giving me the silent-treatment.

I scoffed, "Really mate?! Fine then! Me and Mr. Soap will do a totally bad-ass duo mission, while you brush horse teeth for the rest of your life!". I at least expected some kind of response, but nope, Doug just kept sitting there being a total douche-bag.

In result, I rolled my eyes and looked over at Mr. Soap, "You ready?"

"No."

I launched up, staring at the bar of soap with fear-stricken eyes, my heart also nearly bolting out of my chest. However, I was relieved when a girlish laughter soon began to flood the entire room.

"Bahahahahaha! That... was... haha! So good!"

My head snapped to attention at the source and found a bat-pony-thing rolling on the floor in laughter. I tried my hardest to glare at her, but found it nearly impossible as I began to crack up too. I smiled, "Haha... yeah, you didn't see that though."

She rolled back over onto her hooves and had a mischievous smile on her face, "Oh, but I did~ and that was so rich."

I got up from the floor and realized that my shirt stank from all of my sweat. So, I took it off and asked her politely, "So you don't think I'm crazy?"

She smiled warmly, but it was filled with emotion and not the stupid poker-face that Celestia had on 24/7, "Nope. By the way, I'm your new guard, Silver Heart. Nice to meet you."

I rolled my eyes... '_Again, with the guards! Seriously, Celestia?' _I smiled and shook my head, "You know, it's been a pleasure meeting you too, but I don't really need a gua-"

"Ah... I see that thou have met!"

_Another _complete random pony randomly walked into my room as well... yet this one was really different. She had a beautiful long mane that looked as if it were made of galaxies. She also was huge like the Princess _and also_ like the Princess, she had wings and a horn. I heard my guard shuffle around a little. I looked over at Silver Heart, and found her bowing, while I just stood there, shirtless, like Nacho Libre.

The pony soon spoke up again, "Our apologies, We are Princess Luna, ruler of night! Thine guard was an idea us and our sister agreed upon. She will be looking after thou for the remainder of time."

Disappointed, I put on another Celestia face, "Thank you Princess... I appreciate it."

Luna beamed at that, "We appreciate thy appreciation, however, we must take our leave now. Goodbye fair Jack and Silver Heart!"

With that, she left.

And then it was just me and Silver...

...

"Sooo..." She said, awkwardly breaking the silence.

_"I am going to escape now... I already made up my mind!"_, I thought.

I relaxed a little, "Hey Silver, are you guarding me, and protecting me from attackers, or are you just watching me?"

The bat-pony flashed a fang at me for that, "Are you accusing the Princesses, that they don't trust you?!"

_"That answers my question."_

I shook my head, "Yeah, dumb question, sorry... hey I'm gonna take a bath ok?"

Silver actually looked to be pondering for a while, before pressing her hoof into the floor gently, "...Ok, but hurry! Please!"

Smirking, I walked into the bathroom and locked the door. I really did smell horribly, but that wasn't important ATM. Instead, I turned the water on and looked around for anything I could use to help me escape. There was nothing! The walls were just gold and had white bricks surrounding the place. And once again, it was all medieval stuff. If Celestia hasn't been overboard with medieval stuff before, she definitely has now. Instead of a shower or bath-tub, there was just a bucket of water, and some soap.

I had an idea...

* * *

-Silver's POV-

He was taking forever! I was getting more annoyed every bucking second! In fact, Luna's orders were that I was supposed to be in there with him...

Feeling boiling heat run throughout my entire body in irritation, I growled, "Jack, I said hurry up!"

...No Answer

'He is trying to escape!'

I scolded at him, "That's bucking it! I'm coming in!" As if it were my war-cry, I launched myself into the door, tumbling it over. As I steamed, I searched for him... but he wasn't there...

Stomping around the bathroom, I saw the only place he could be... in the bath. I crept up to it, my wings raised in anticipation and my fangs bared as I glared the bath to death, preparing for an evil hairless monkey to jump out. As I crept to it, I suddenly stepped on a string and then the tub flipped over, spilling soapy water all over me and the floor! I fell to the ground, injuring my wing as a towel was thrown at me, clouding my vision.

* * *

-Jack's POV-

_"I'm dead! I'm dead! I'm dead!"_

I kept shouting to myself, as I hauled-ass out of there. Luckily, my 'guard' would be slipping for a while, keeping herself busy. In the mean time, I had to find a way out of the castle. That would be a problem though, for there were an endless amount of rooms and hallways! I rushed past a random hallway, and found a double-door that was larger than the others.

Knowing that the guards probably knew of the stunt that I was pulling by now, I began to move at a quicker pace.

I quietly looked behind me to search for more guards. Seeing the the coast was clear, I silently opened half of the door and snuck inside. What I found, was amazing. It was a bedroom, with a giant golden and purple pillow in the middle, even bigger then the one I had, last night! It also had a beautiful golden fire-place and an even more beautiful black and blue stained glass on the wall that had a shooting star on it. Everything in the room was dim, and it was so peaceful, that I wanted to pass out on the pillow already. Sadly, I didn't have enough time to take a nap, so I forced myself away, and found another door on the side of the room, also purple and golden, matching the rest of the room. I latched onto the door-knob and turned it to luckily find a balcony.

Looking above the balcony, all I could see were clouds. Looking down, I saw all of Canterlot, with the ponies below, looking like ants! Seriously! Wait, didn't Celestia live in this tower?

Ok, shut up brain! Your only getting distracted again! Alright, think, If I tried to jump it, it would be undeniable death.

I silently cursed to myself, staring down at the little ponies, who walked around buying groceries and shit. What was even worse, was that I heard shouting coming from outside Celestia's bedroom... so, I did what any ordinary insane person would do, I climbed over the golden rail and planted my feet on the edge of the white, alien stone. Slowly I allowed myself to slide down the tower, stopping myself once in a while to slow down the sliding.

After a minute, I felt my hand burst in pain and I yelped, my hands beginning to collect pieces of jagged stone. My hands slowly began to cut open but if I let go, I would fall to my death. Instead, I clenched my mouth shut to stop myself from screaming. Luckily, I slowed my sliding just enough, that when I crash-landed to the ground, I didn't break anything. I immediately pulled my hands away and examined them deeply, seeing them shredded and bleeding. In result, I took off my shirt again and ripped it in half, tying both sides over my hands like bandages.

As soon as that was over, I wasted no time jetting over to one of the walls in front of me. In no-time, I climbed over it, and landed on the other side. My shoes tapped stone. I slowly looked up to see my surroundings and what I saw, was utterly amazing. Everywhere I looked, was city. There weren't any flashing lights and such, no, it was more like a medieval version of Las Vegas. Shops surrounded the place, ponies walked everywhere, everyone seemed snobbish, but at the same time... they seemed happy. Not like the city I'm from.

It was when I caught the ponies staring at me, that I remembered I was different from them.

However, one pony stared at me with what seemed like anger. He began to casually stride over to me, his eyes fixed on me. I turned around to casually speed-walk away, but was stopped as another unicorn suddenly rushed ahead, right in front of me.

He snarled at me, "What are you doing? You're supposed to be in the castle, recording! Not out here!"

His horn glew and the next thing I knew, my world went black...

...

I began to wake up...

As I opened my eyes, I saw nothing but darkness...however, I wasn't dreaming. I tried moving my arms, but they were restricted, as well as my legs... I began to go into panic mode, "What the hell?! Someone please help me!". I was seriously afraid that a T.V would pop up and then some puppet would tell me in a deep-voice, _"I want to play a game." _

But, what I got instead, was equally disturbing. A human in a wheel-chair suddenly creaked from darkness, looking at me directly in the eye. I'm not kidding, an _actual_ human, in Equestria!

He glared at me and spoke in a Northern American accent, "Do you know what you did boy?"

It was then, that I knew what this was... it was the American Republic. I gulped, "Yes..."

Still glaring at me he snapped, "Then why did you do it?! What you _did _Harrison, could have caused another war of worlds! Earth could be destroyed!" I suddenly felt stupid. I just wanted to go home.

His glare was kept locked onto me... when he pulled out a mother-fucking revolver! My eyes darted open as I struggled, the bands cutting into my skin slightly. Luckily, all he did was put it on a small table beside us.

He asked me calmly, "Harrison... if I release you, will you run?"

I shook my head and he took off all of my bands, but not before looking back to me, "Jack, do you know what Celestia does to humans?"

Shaking my head again, he continued, "Celestia is a terrorist Jack. She hates humans, that is why she doesn't trust you."

_"Yeah, yeah... there's no way I'm believing that. I really, don't trust her, but I doubt the whole 'Human Genocide' thing."_

I decided to just nod.

The man hunched his back and placed his chin into his hand, "Jack, you need to believe me. Us humans need to stick together. Why do you think you have been having so many problems with her guards?"

This caught my attention.

The man looked away, seemingly in deep-thought, "You know why she has that guard follow you around Jack? She is actually studying you... studying our weaknesses, wanting to figure out how to destroy us since they failed all those years ago. That is why there is a Raffle Jack, that is why there is a treaty! Fear, is a very powerful emotion, Jack. And a scared Princess, can be a very dangerous one."

My heart jumped a bit, but I just chose to stay silent. Only seconds later, several lights snapped on and I saw my surroundings. I was in a radio-base... or something. But the only creatures inside, were me, the man, and other three ponies tapping at random machines.

One of the ponies soon, jumped out of his seat and trotted up to the old man, "Sir, we found that if Harrison could be caught just, 'taking a walk' in the Royal Garden, then there is still a possibility that the princess will continue to take him under her wing."

The wheel-chair man conjured a cheeky grin, "Brilliant! Harrison... can I count on you?"

I stood up and shook his hand, my face contorted with confusion. Snapping out of it, I robotically answered, "Yes Sir, I... guess I can do it?" Right after I said the last word, a black cloth was heaved over my head.

... 20 Minutes Later

Soon, I crashed into the ground. I was probably hurt even more than I was originally, but I didn't care at the moment. I heard the shuffling of hooves walk away from me, and I just laid there, feeling grass and dirt underneath me. Having enough of that, I pulled off the blind, and took in, what was the garden. It was beautiful, romantic even. Unusual plants and flowers littered the area. Unfortunately, all was interrupted as I felt something hard and flat slam into my face, knocking me over.

I tried sitting up, but was blocked as an extremely familiar bat pony stood over me, baring her fangs like a mad man. She snarled, "You're under arrest primate!".


	4. Birth of a Spy

Chapter 4: Birth of a Spy

"And lastly, I order you to sit here, and think about what you did. If you continue to act as a child, I will simply treat you as one."

I launched myself to the bars, "Is it so childish, to not have a guard follow me around like a puppy-dog all day, and be confined in the castle?"

Here I was... in prison. Usually in a land of ponies, you would think the prison would be made of candy, and the bars would be made of yummy peppermint, but nope! Dark, rugged blocks of sandstone made up the place, with harsh, cold, iron bars to keep me contained. It was basically a dungeon. A few torches were lined up outside, giving the entire place an eerie vibe.

Celestia turned her head around, not looking at me as she spoke, "I'm sorry Daniel... but I need you to be safe. Many ponies around here, do not like the thought of a human being in Equestria."

I grasped on the bars, and looked into her face, "Then let me go back to Earth! It doesn't really have to be ten years, right? Just say I got some food-poisoning, or something, and the only cure was back in my apartment, on Earth."

The alicorn sighed, "I'm sorry Jack, we will try to make the castle seem more... at home, when your sentence is up. For now, you must stay in here."

I mock-laughed, before walking back over to a stretched-out pile of hay, idly laying in a corner of the room, "Great! You know, I could actually, seriously get used to this room!"

Beside my 'bed' was a bowl, filled to the brim with tap water. I faked a huge smile before lifting it up, "Wow, Princess! Is this your complimentary wine? How generous!"

Celestia breathed against one of the iron bars, and layed her ears back, "I will bring you some wine, if that's what you wish. In the meantime, I have brought you something to ease your mind."

From behind her, she magicked over to me a book through the bars. It floated directly in front of my face, until I latched onto it.

The first thing I noticed, was a picture of some wizard-pony, smiling like he just ate a cocaine cookie The second thing I looked at, was that in huge, black, letters, it read, "Starswirl's Guide to Anger and Depression." I looked back over to Celestia with a deadpan face, but for some reason, she was all giddy.

She excitingly magicked over a quill and some ink, before squealing, "It is also interactive, so you can write all of your thoughts down. Me and my sister used to read the older version of that book!"

I stretched a humongous smile, "Yup! But, you know what would make me even happier? I would be super happy, if you got rid of the guards, let me get a job, and let me wait out the remaining ten years, outside of the castle!"

She simply shook her head, "No need, the crown can pay for everything."

I let out a blatant groan, before falling on top of the hay, and throwing the book on top of my face, to block out the annoying and uncooperative pony.

The alicorn opened her mouth to say something, but then softly closed it. After some thought, her eyes widened with hope, "Jack, I can let you out of this prison, and allow you the freedom to roam the castle freely, however, there is a requirement."

Still upset, I sighed loudly, never moving, "...what?"

Celestia put her golden-clad, shoe on the bar, "You will be required to be a maid. Of course, if you attempt to run away, I will have no choice, but to have even more guards watch over you."

Great, Jack! Look at you, a maid for a bunch of ponies. I bet I'll get the frilly maid costume, and everything too! I bet dad would be so proud right now. It's either that, or being watched, 24/7 by the entire castle.

I cringed, and looked up to Celestia, who seemed slightly worried. Slowly, I stood up and walked over to her, "Do I get a uniform?"

**1 hour later...**

I was back in my old room! Victory point for me!

At least, it was... until I saw the uniform that I would have to wear.

"Celestia, I'm not wearing that."

Celestia pouted, "Jack, you must. I can't have you be the only maid, not wearing the royal uniform."

Her idea of a male maid's 'uniform', was the top half of a tuxedo, and a bow. No pants included.

I decided to be sarcastic, again. It always helped in situations like this. I held my right arm's elbow, to give it support, and cupped my chin. Afterwards, I cocked my eyebrow, and asked, "Hmm, I feel like something is missing..."

The sun princess peered at the outfit, in total speculation. After a moment of time, her eyes suddenly lit up, and she hummed, "Hmm, indeed. I know just what you are speaking of, Jack."

Her horn began to light up, with gold magic encompassing her entire horn. A small square of fabric was then materialized out of nowhere. Smiling, she used her magic to shape it, and gently placed it into the tuxedo's pocket, effectively adding a pocket-handkerchief.

She closed her eyes and nodded, "There..."

I rolled my eyes, "Princess, I need pants."

This caused the alicorn to perk her ears up, towards me, and scrunch her face, "Why would you need pants? They are uncomfortable."

"For, reasons... can't I have a pair?"

Celestia shook her head, and magicked the suit over to me, "Yes, but it will take a while to make one. Our seamstress isn't very experienced in making human attire."

"Um, Princess, wearing pants is part of human culture."

Her muzzle scrunched as she looked at me, "Jack, stand still."

"Wait! If you-"

_POOF!_

The suit was no longer being held in the air. It was gone. All there was left, was the princess staring down at me, blushing.

I looked down, and immediately covered myself, blushing as well, "I told you to wait, princess!"

Still in a daze, Celestia never stopped staring. Instead, she shakily spoke, "I-I need to, to do paperwork! Yes, lots, and lots and..." She was staring again. "Goodbye, Jack."

I yelled, "No! What about my-"

_POOF!_

Stupid ponies...

Ok, new plan, get some pants.

Speedily, I ran over to my pillow/bed. It was where I left my clothes, last time. Leaning over, I saw that there were no pants!

I scanned the room... there was no closet, but there was a desk. I bolted over to it, and found the book Celestia gave me. Ignoring it, I quickly yanked out all of the compartments, looking for any kind of apparel at all.

It wasn't there...

_Sqeaaaakkk_ "Hi, I have your..."

My head swiveled to look upon a pony holding a pair of pants in her mouth. She looked at me, in raw terror.

Ok, just calm her, "Hi, my name's Jack, and-"

"MONSTER!"

As soon as the last breath left her mouth, she scrambled out of the door, with my pants.

I rocketed after her, running into the hallway, "Ma'am! I am not a monster, just, slow down!"

"MONSTER!"

This is clearly not going anywhere!

The pony fled down the maze of hallways, all of which, looked exactly the same. It was giving me a headache.

As we fled down the maze, we ran past several different ponies. Some looked really rich, seemingly nobles or foreign ambassadors, and the rest were maids and guards. As the pony I chased screamed, the other ponies started screaming too. For some reason, I thought I heard a wolf-whistle somewhere among the chaos.

Eventually we ended running up these stairs, that looked as if they would never end. I was panting, sweating, and crawling up the stairs with my arms and legs. I thought my heart was going to drop out of my chest, but that damn pony never even broke a sweat!

"MONSTER!"

As I crawled up the stair, trying to get my fucking pants, I never noticed that the walls were getting darker. Instead of the normal pink and gold, it was now blue and purple. There were some windows, though. I couldn't see through them, as I was crawling, but sunlight was being emitted from them.

Eventually, I just couldn't go on...

If fate wanted me to be half-naked, then screw it! I'm tired!

I started to fall asleep, until I felt some weird feeling on my hand. Lazily looking up, I found my hand to be covered in some type of blue mist. Naturally, I tried shaking it off, but it only covered the rest of my body. That's when I started freaking out.

However, in no time, my entire body was soon covered in the mist, and within a second, everything went black. My entire gut turned, and I felt every part of my body dematerialize. It didn't hurt, but it felt really unnatural, and scary.

I was terrified.

Luckily, I wasn't like that for long, as once again, I felt every part of my body rematerialize into existence. Taking in my surroundings, I immediately found myself, face-to-face with Princess Luna, and a tiny dim and blue hallway, that led to an extraordinarily tall door, directly behind her.

Not thinking straight, I latched onto her and shouted, "PANTS!"

Luna cringed in what seemed like pain, before shutting my mouth shut with her magic, and glaring at me, "Jack, calm thyself!"

I reached for my mouth, but found it shut. I couldn't open it! Oh, wait... Luna, magic, stairs, dark blue hallway, damn I woke Luna up! I squinted at the big blue pony in front of me, only to confirm my suspicions. She looked really, tired. Behind her, I caught a glimpse of something shivering...

When I did, I saw the maid I was chasing! She was shivering, and still holding my pants!

I went to walk over to her, but Luna immediately blocked my path with her body, "Jack, we will open thy mouth, but only if thou art calm. Do thou understand?"

I nodded.

She lit up her horn, and I felt control in my mouth again.

As soon as I felt control, I pointed at the maid, "She took my pants."

The maid shrieked.

Luna sighed, and turned to the maid, "Blossom, give the human his pants."

The maid stuttered, "But- Your majesty,"

"NOW!"

Even though her voice wasn't directed at me, I flinched. I could live without pants, if it meant Luna didn't kill me, or this 'Blossom' for that matter.

The maid hesitantly crawled over to me, with my pants. When she reached me, she looked at the floor, and I did too, but crouched down... I didn't want to scare her. Slowly, I grasped the pants from the maid's mouth, and took it away.

The maid murmured something, but it was incomprehensible.

"Did you say something?" I asked, gently.

The pony looked up to me, "I'm sorry..."

"No problem, my ex-girlfriend used to scream that at me too. Anyway, I forgive you."

After we exchanged words, I heard a loud snort.

I looked back to Luna, who was glaring at me, "If thou art both done, we must sleep. Good afternoon." And with that, she turned around, opened her door, but just stood there.

Eventually, she turned around and faced me, "Jack, we hath heard thou art a maid now. If so, we request your presence during night-court. Is this acceptable?"

I dumbly nodded.

She weakly smiled, obviously still tired, "Tis' is splendid! We fare-thee-well, then, Jack." Afterwards, she left to her chambers. It must be exhausting running an entire country.

Beside me, I heard some shuffling. When, I looked over, I saw the mare shuffling her hooves, "So... you're a rookie?"

**1 hour later**

Me and the maid were back in my room. I now, finally had some pants on. Finally!

Ponies, are insane! Princess Celestia didn't help at all! She is probably in her room, plotting human genocide or something. Oh... which reminds me. I need to get information from her.

Blossom was in the process of telling me boring, 'standard' maid procedures. I had to interrupt her though.

"Usually, we aren't allowed to serve foreign leaders, but the ponies from Saddle Arabia, and the Crystal Empire are the only exceptions."

I nodded, "Ok, but I have a question."

Blossom's face beamed, "Yes?"

I slouched, "About the princesses, what do they think about humans?"

"Well, judging how they act around you, I would say they like you." The mare told me, with her head cocked in contemplation.

I nodded, "Yes, but have they spoke about me in public?"

She smiled, "Of course! We were told to expect a human!" She kept smiling, until realization hit her. Afterwards, she let out a sheepish grin, "I just... never seen a human before. Sorry..."

Internally, I sighed. I guess Celestia kept it a secret from her maids, or, even worse, the maid was a master of deception. Smart.

I fake-yawned, "_*Yaaaaaawn* _Ooh! I'm beat! I better rest up, to get ready for night-court with Luna."

Blossom grinned, "Of course, Mr. Human! I'll see you later!" She practically bounced out of my room.

I hurried over to my book and quill. Maybe this book would be some use after all.

Sitting down, I wrote in the margin:

**Harrison Log: 1**

**So far, I have not been able to find anything worth recording, about the princesses.**

**They have been kind to me so far, so I know that they want to make some kind of impression on me. They probably want to make it less likely, to think that they could ever do anything bad.**

**I will be alongside Princess Luna during night-court, so maybe I can get some information from there.**

**Harrison, out.**


	5. War of Cakes

**Chapter 5: War of Cake**

"Alright, so I have a question..."

Luna kept staring straight ahead, both of us walking to court, "What is thy inquest, Jack?"

"You and your sister are both judges, right?" I asked, lifting my head up.

Luna nodded, "Indeed. It hath been so for a millennia."

One maid was following us in the background, she was basically the personal maid for royalty. The other maids were scurrying around; cleaning and whatever else maids do. I ignored them, choosing to pick the night princess's brain instead, "And on top of that, you have to go to political dinners, negotiations, and basically tons of other princess stuff."

Luna finally turned to me, and gave me a puzzled, but shocked look, "Thou art intrested in politics?"

I shook my head, "Not really, I'm just asking, why don't you have pony-judges take your place, and you would get tons of more free time?"

The princess stopped, and shot me a deadpan face, "Jack, our ponies cannot do anything."

I faced her, "Ok, but what about-"

"Anything."

...

Well, alright then...

I shrugged, and we both continued walking towards the throne-room.

Eventually, we approached this towering, blue door. As we walked through, my jaw nearly hit the floor. Stain-glass windows, surrounded the entire room; elicting a rainbow of light upon the floor. Magnificent silk tapestries idly hung from the walls, waiting to be gawked at. And there, by the far wall, centered between the royal banners, sat a large ornate red and golden chair.

"This is the throne room?" I whispered.

She nodded, "Tis' is the royal courtroom. At night, we sit here and await counsel."

Await counsel? But there's literally nobody here. I swung my head around, and found the entire place to be empty, besides me, the maid and princess, of course. Ok, this is weird...

Me and Luna avoided each other's gazes, obviously ignoring the elephant in the room. Not wanting to say anything to make her upset, I opted to just stay silent, and politely sit on one of the stairs, leading to the throne.

_I thought, "This is really awkward. Ok, strike some conversation, or something."_

"So, princess... what else do you do during court?"

Luna looked up in contemplation, "We do not do much at this hour. Instead, we read books, and form new patterns in the night."

"Wait, you make constellations?" I asked, thoughtfully.

Luna turned her head towards me, a face of confusion thoroughly plastered onto her face. She looked at me for a while, before her eyes widened in understanding. She nervously spoke, "Y-yes! Indeed! We maketh pictures, using the already existing stars that we obviously cannot control!"

I guess that's cool...

I glanced over to the night princess. She looked, to be frank, bored. Alright, this has to change.

I stood up, effectively gaining Luna's attention, "Princess, nobody is coming."

"That is not true, tis' only a... slow night."

...

"It's a slow night every night, isn't it?" I asked, with an expressionless face.

Luna sat up assertively, "We are not leaving this courtroom."

"Alright, fine..."

After a moment, an idea popped into my head. I grew a sly grin, "Though, we should have something to drink, while we're sitting here."

Luna turned to face me, "Thou art thirsty? We can send a maid to fetch you water."

"Not that type of drink. You know, I mean alcohol, liquor, firewater, rotgut. Something to make night court a bit more fun."

"Perhaps... yes, we would like to indulge on... alcohol." Luna smiled sheepishly. She then gestured to the maid, "Fair maid, we would like to request a bottle of wine, please."

The maid nodded, before running off.

"There you go, Princess! You'll love it!" I laughed, excitement running through me at the thought of some actual wine.

In no time, the maid returned with a bottle, and set it between us. I smirked; grabbing the bottle, "First drink goes to the lady."

"Thank you. We shouldn't drink too much though..."

**Nearly an hour of drinking later...**

"Are you sherious? You literally haff hundreds of bottles of booze, but you never drink any of it?!"

We were now both sitting on the floor, with several empty bottles of wine between us. The two of us were completely smashed.

Luna levitated another glass over to me, before speaking, "We hath not drinketh, since we were young."

Luna started grabbing at my shirt, with her magic, "Why dosh you hewmans always wear clothing?" Her face was scrunched up, and a deep, red, blush covered the majority of her cheeks.

I stood up, nearly toppling over, "If I dishnt, my thing would be in everyone's fashe!"

The princess started laughing hysterically, "Art thou embarrished of its shise?"

I felt even more warmth to my cheeks, "N-no!"

Luna kept laughing and began prancing around, "Jack hash a small thingy! Jack hash a small thingy!"

The maid behind us, actually looked scared now. I looked over to her and groaned at her, "Morrrrreee Booze!"

**15 minutes later (Four glasses of wine)**

"We are no longer Nightmare Moon, b-but everypony ish still scared of ush!"

I held onto her, letting her cry, "You! You don't needsh to listen to them! Dey are all just jealous of your hair."

Luna started to drunkingly smile again, "Tanks, Jack! Your my besht friend!"

When she said that, I felt some kind of urge in my head. It was as if some part of me, was screaming at me. Trying to think in my drunk-addled mind, I thought, _"Wait... wasn't I supposed to be doing something?"_

The alicorn suddenly looked down, a frown growing on her face, "Jacksh, we hath something to tell thou..."

I thought even more, _"Come on, brain! Work! She has to tell you something, you can't trust her... oh! Yes, I need proof that she is gonna do genocide on all humans!"_

I pat her on the back, "Joo can tell me anyshing!"

She perked up, "Don't tell Shelestia dat we shaid this, but she likes you, alot!"

_"What? Wait, no, you have to tell me about human genocide!"_

Luna, to prove her point, cupped my face with both of her hooves, and repeated, "She likes joo, a looooooooooooot. She even keeps a journal on joo!"

_"A journal! Yes, I bet she keeps all kinds of sick, genocidal thoughts on it, I need to bring this to that government guy!"_

I physically removed her hooves, before speaking, "Luna, I needsh da journal, itsh an emergenshy!"

Luna, not even caring at my reasoning, was now completely determined. She threw her hooves down before nodded frantically, "Huzzah! We musht getsh the journal! Mount us Jack!"

My eyes nearly popped out of their sockets, "I shink dat we should get to know eachother firsht and den-."

"What? N-no! We meant to placesh your bottom on our back! Hurry!"

_"Here goes nothing!" _I thought, before approaching her, and wrapping my legs around the alicorn.

I didn't even get a chance to settle myself, before she jolted out of the door. She couldn't stay in a straight line though... she was drunk. Instead, she criss-crossed the entire way, nearly smacking into every pony, that was unfortunate enough to be walking down the hallway. I bent down to see Luna's face. For some reason, it looked as if she was enjoying herself, as she had a massive grin spread across her face. Ponies were screaming, and doing barrel-rolls to avoid the charging Luna and her human rider. It doesn't matter though, desperate times, call for desperate measures! I need that journal!

Eventually, we sprinted towards the entrance of another tower, much like the one Luna has. Only, instead of it being blue, it was just white and gold. We flew up all of the stairs, and I didn't even get a chance to look at the scenery. Instead, we simply pummled through some golden doors, before Luna made a sudden, and complete stop, effectively launching into the air. I ended up sailing, not for long though, as I then felt the familiar feeling of a hard, stone wall. For some reason it didn't hurt though... I'll probably end up feeling it in the morning.

I heard a squeak, "Jack! Sister! Why are you two in my room?"

Craning my head up, I saw Celestia. She was in her bed, wearing a pink and white bath-robe, and was clutching some kind of scroll to her chest.

Luna slammed her hooves down from the other side of the room, "We'sh need your, journal!"

Celestia's eyes swept over to me, before looking back at her sister. She then squinted, "Sister, are you drunk?"

Luna started swaying, "No! You're drunk!"

_"Celestia's trying to change the subject! That won't do, It's my turn to rise!" _I thought to myself. When I got up, I saw two Celestias, wobbling around. I picked one of the Celestias and commanded her, "You gotta hand over da journal!"

Celestia blushed, clutching her scroll even more, "I-I can't. I'm sorry, Jack."

_"I knew it! Now, I gotta take it by force."_

I tore my attention back to Luna, but found her head hanging from her body, and her eyes shut. She was trying to sleep!

"Luna!" I called out; waking the moon princess up. Upon hearing my voice, one of her ears twitched, and she started to shake her sleep away. When she was done, she searched the room, until her eyes rested on me. I gestured over to Celestia, and she nodded in awknowledgement, before the two of us locked eyes back on Celestia...

Celestia face-hooved, "You two aren't really..."

My glare intensified.

She nodded, "I see then."

Immediately after, both me and Luna charged after the sun princess, but before we could, a golden ball of light cloaked the entire room. Before any of us could reach her, she was gone. She must have teleported!

"Luna, she teleported."

...

"Luna?" I scanned the room, before seeing a large, blue, furry blob... laying on the bed.

I tapped her, "Luna."

...**"SNOOOOOOOOOOORE!"**

I guess I'm on my own.

Jumping to my feet, I jolted outside of Celestia's room, and fled down the stairs. After a while of drunkingly flailing down a bunch of stairs, I finally met the bottom of the tower. Afterwards, I opened the door, and examined the hallway, that spread in two directions. I sniffed, "I shmell fear... she's close."

Before going anywhere, I quickly spotted a speck of gold, flash in the corner of my eye. When I turned to see what it was, it was gone.

"Hey! You get bahk here!" I hollered, instantly pursuing the golden speck.

I chased it around another the corner, before seeing exactly what it was... it was a solar unicorn guard! His head hastily swung around to look back at me. When he did, his eyes bolted back open, before running even faster than before!

I hunted him down, "Take mee to your leader!"

Eventually, he opened up another massive door with his magic, slid in, and slamming it in my face as he went through.

With all of my brute, human strength, I tore the door back open.

When I entered, I realized that I was in some kind of royal dining room... not for the guards though, it looked too showy for that. The seats were basically miniscular thrones, and the table had thousands of designs, carved throughout every inch of it.

However, I ignored everything as I heard a highly feminine, laugh.

As soon as I heard it, I spun around on my shoes, only to face Celestia. She was still wearing her bath-robe, but this time, she had about twenty guards in front of her. Each guard was readily armed with what looked like sponge-cakes.

Upon seeing me, Celestia threw me a mischievous grin, "Obtaining the journal is futile Jack. You might as well surrender now."

Since I was drunk, and seriously hurt myself when I was slammed into that wall, everything I looked at, was double. So, to me, it looked as if I had to fight over forty guards, and two alicorns. I didn't care though... I needed that journal! Even if it meant being soaked in cake.

With full determination, I raised my head, and looked into her eyes, "I needsh dat journal!"

After the last word escaped my mouth, Celestia reacted by lifting two cakes with her magic, and keeping that determined, excited smile, "Then bring it..."

**"HOLD IT!"**

A random voice, echoed throughout the entire dining room. Upon hearing it, everyone lowered their cakes. A few groans of disappointment could be heard among Celestia's guards. I snapped my attention towards the voice, finding a group of bat ponies enter through the door. Each one had blue armor, and was also armed with various types of cakes and cupcakes.

One of the bat ponies floated over to me, with a smirk stuck on her face. She winked at me, before facing the crowd, "You know, you don't have to fight alone. Also, drink this... it'll help."

I didn't even care what was in the bottle, a bat pony army? I'll take all of the help I can get! Accepting her help, I clasped onto the bottle, and drank the random liquid.

The liquid rushed down my throat. However, it took a while before my brain could process the taste. The taste kept getting worse, and worse, and worse...

"Bleh!" I dropped the bottle, "What was in that stuff?"

My question was never answered though, as I found all of guard, getting into an offensive, formation. They were going to attack!

Before they did though, some random pony wearing a chef's hat and apron ran through the crowd, yelling, "Think of all the cakes!"

Both sides ignored him, and a war-horn, out of nowhere, was blown.

WhooOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Bat pony and Unicorn alike, instantly fired cake, after cake, filling the air itself, with a barrage of flying cakes.

Chairs and tables were hastily flipped over for cover. I saw this as an advantage, and tumbled over to get behind one of them. One bat pony stood on the other side of the table-shield, next to me, and was throwing a series of cupcakes from a large platter on the ground.

Not facing me, he yelled at me as he continued firing, "Sir, Celestia's men are gaining on- ughhhh!"

A cake smashed into his chest, forcing him to flop over. It was a fatal blow... judging from the pony being motionless.

I snickered, before beginning to eat the cake off of his stomach. My meal was abruptly interrupted, however, as the stomach began moving, and the sound of laughter could be heard, "Ok! Ok! I'm out. Good luck with the cake war, captain!"

When he left, I knew what I had to do. Slowly, I plucked a cupcake from the dish, and peeked out from behind the table, to inspect the battle. Nearly all of the guards, were either laying on the floor, or walking away, talking with their fellow, fallen comrades. The only ones left, were three solar guards, and the princess, herself.

I thought to myself, _"Damn it, alright... I can still do this, I just need to be stealthy." _Carefully, I crawled further away, to try to get an upper hand.

"Come on out, Jack. Defeat is inevitable!" Celestia called out, rather cheerfully, might I add.

I dropped to the ground, and raised my arm, with the cupcake. At a painstakingly slow pace, I took aim, directly at one of the guards. I sucked in my gut... keeping him in my throwing sights. I felt my heart beat, pulsing in my chest and arms. Sweat dripped down my forehead like honey. Time seemed to slow at that moment... but this was it. This was the shot. I exhaled, before launching the cupcake directly at the unicorn.

From far away, I watched as the cupcake exploded on impact; covering the entire guard in dessert.

Celestia gasped from the shock, and watched as her guard made a cringe-worthy, theatrical death on the floor. I didn't stop there though, I rapidly threw two more cupcakes at the other guards, tagging them out.

Now, just one more... and I get the stupid journal.

I reared up another shot, and fired... but... she caught it. With magic.

She gleamed, and allowed the cupcake to lazily float away from her face, "No... we fight the honest way. Face-to-face."

I hesitantly stood up, moving away from cover...

When I did, I found just the two of us, standing there in person. Around us, there was nothing but chunks of cake, and pieces of battle-armor idly laying around the arena. This was it... this was my last chance.

Celestia seemed to be thinking the same thing, "Jack, this is it. Do you think you have what it takes to beat me?"

I squeezed a ball of cake-fluff in my hand. I would have to make it count.

I smiled, "I was born ready."

Celestia hummed, levitating nearly a dozen of cakes, "Then try..."

The cakes reared back, before each was launched at me. I dodged the first one, and continued charging forward, with the ball of cake in my hand. Each cake made a swooshing sound close to my sides, and head, but for some reason, each one missed. Finally, I was near Celestia. _"This is my chance..." _, I thought to myself, before quickening my pace, and ran straight towards her.

That's when I was right in front of her... she had no more cakes, yet I still had one. Smirking, I gently tapped her on her nose, "Boop."

Her whole face scrunched up, but then she began laughing like crazy. So much, that she even began rolling on the floor.

I started laughing too, joining her on the floor.

She began to attempt speech in between the laughs, "T-that _hahaha_ was the most fun... _haha_, I have had in, decades!"

Eventually, she opted to just lay on her back, still a giggling mess.

Watching her, I began having conflicted thoughts, _"Wow... when she does that, she is actually really beautiful. Wait, what?! Where did that come from? Alright, I know that alcohol is supposed to make the ugliest of girls pretty, but this is a bit much."_

Celestia noticed me watching, then, her face took a serious turn. She flipped over to sit on the floor with me, before looking into my eyes, "I must give you my journal, correct?"

I stared at her for a second, trying to process what happened, _"Alright, so me and Luna drank a bit too much, and I guess I tried getting Celestia's journal? Probably to get more insight or something... ugh I feel like shit."_

Celestia was looking at me, patiently waiting a response.

_"I really like her though. Her, and her sister. I'm starting to find it hard to believe, that a pony like them would do anything but good.."_

I rubbed my eyes, "I don't even know anymore... I had waaaaay too much wine."

She giggled, "Yes, but I feel as it is only fair. You did go to war for it, after all." Her horn lit up, and golden spirals began to suddenly flash around her horn. A drop of sweat boke from her face, before another, smaller ball of light appeared in front of me.

All of the lights started to die down... revealing a floating, hemp scroll.

The scroll flopped on the ground, along with a quill and ink.

Not hesitating at all, I picked it up, and started to read:

* * *

**Official Royal Document; My Personal Journal Regarding the Human.**

**Day 1: Me and Luna have finally came to terms about housing the human. As of lately, there had been many revolts across the country, sending me, and my country threats, and the possibility of my dethroning.**

**Regardless, I have met with Earth's union, and retrieved the human. My own intelligence, told me that the humans wanted to cheat the Raffle, and send a trained soldier. I was very suspicious of him... until the unimaginable happened. When the human space-boat landed, and the parade readied their music and merriment, I found Jack Harrison laying on the ground, beat. We will find who did this.**

**Day 2: None of my guards found the pony who beat him. He was dressed as one of our very own guards. You cannot trust anypony these days.**

**I have sent guards to watch over him. He does not like them, but I neither trust him, nor my ponies.**

**Day 3: Luna has taken over Jack duty. She tells me that he is suffering from panic attacks and depression.**

**Luna is fuming as I write this, apparently, he has injured one of her guards. I wish I didn't have to cage him in the castle like an animal, but it is the only way.**

**Day 4: I just saw his... 'thing'! Now, it simply won't leave my head! It wasn't small, but- see?! I cannot think clearly anymore. I think I'm just going to take a nap...**

* * *

Then, there weren't any more entries.

When I put the scroll down, I found Celestia blushing in embarrassment. She tried to hide it though... feigning a small smile instead.

"The last entry was... not exactly expected. I am sorry for that, but let me see the scroll again, I want to finish my last log."

"Sure." I choked, before handing her the scroll.

She gladly took it, before levitating the quill, and dipping it in ink. Eventually, she frowned in concentration, her tongue poking out a bit, all while using magic to write in even more calligraphy.

When she was done, she smiled and levitated the paper back to me.

* * *

**Day 5: After a rather long, and difficult week. I have came to realize, that Jack has been not only a great friend, but a fun human to be around.**

**We had the war of cakes, with no ponies being injured. However, the same cannot be the same for the cakes.**

**I do hope, that me and Jack can be the best of friends, and embrace the few years we have together.**

* * *

"Wow... that's um..."

Looking back at Celestia, she just seemed so beautiful. Her same smile was there, but unlike the boring poker-face type smile, this one was real.

"This is weird, I feel really weird. I never felt this around anybody before, I don't like this..."

Celestia interrupted my thoughts, choosing to instead look back at me, "Jack, would you like to walk with me in the gardens? I hear that the night is especially beautiful tonight."

Part of me really wanted to go... her eyes, it just felt, so familiar. But she's a horse... I can't feel these feelings for a horse! It's not right! It's the alcohol, it's just the stupid alcohol. Once I sober up a bit, everything will be back to normal.

I coughed, "Actually, I'm really tired... I better hit the sack."

She actually seemed really disappointed. She kept her smile up, but it didn't look as special.

"Forgive me for my misunderstanding, but you wish to beat a bag?"

I shook my head, just wanting to get out this situation, "No, princess, it means I need to go to sleep."

...

If you ever seen a forced smile before, it would not compare to Celestia's right now. I know I probably hurt the girl, but it's for the best.

I whispered, "Princess?"

Celestia did nothing, she just stared into the distance.

I whispered to her again, "Alright, I... guess I'll be leaving now."

She seemed to snap out of whatever daze she was in, when I finished my sentence, "Oh! Um, yes. Goodnight, Jack. I have lots of things to do, as well, tonight."

When she said that, my heart seemed to just stop with guilt. Not being to take it anymore, I finally got up, "Ok, Goodnight."

After that, I walked away. I reached the door that lead to the hallways, and never looked back. I just couldn't bring myself to. Instead, I went straight to my room. I threw open the door, flicked off my shoes and threw myself on my bed/pillow/thing/whatever I don't even care anymore.

_Creeeeeeeeeeeeeak_

The sound of a door, slowly and eerily opening, flooded the room.

I yelled, "Luna, nothing happened. I'm fine."

"Oh, heheh, I'm not Luna." A deep, masculine, Australian voice responded back.

I jumped up, to find a solar guard close the door on me. He sneered, before dropping his helmet to the floor, and revealing a bald earth pony, with a spider tattoo on his head.

He stalked over to me with a crooked smile, and a vengeful look in his eyes, "Oh! You would not believe what me and my mate saw you do... it was, astonishing."

"I'm done! You and the rest of the government can screw off, it's over." I warned, glaring back at him.

He only laughed even more, before getting even closer, "You already sighed the contract, mate. We watched ya wipe your brow. You really want to be that way?"

I threw myself up, and got ready to punt this sucker out of the window, "Fuck off! Because of you guys, I had to leave Earth, and put up with all of this shit, that I never had to go through! Now, because I have so many problems, Celestia is starting to deal with my problems. Now, I have to deal with these annoying feelings towards her."

His eyes darkened, disgust was in his voice, "You have feelings towards the princess?"

"No... it's just the alcohol." I replied, solemnly.

He laughed, "But you are no longer drunk. That liquid you drank cured you, don't ya remember?"

"What? But, how?"

"You didn't recognize the bat pony?"

I shook my head.

He sighed, "Doesn't matter. What really matters, is that you want to go home. We can get you home, we just want you to do some things for us."

...

I stared out of the window, remembering when Celestia told me about the sun.

It was for the best...

I nodded, "Yeah... sure. I just need to get off this stupid planet."

The pony pulled out a syringe, and walked over to me. With the syringe still in his mouth, he spoke, "Fine, hold still."

"Wait, what?!"

Before I could protest, I felt the needle sting my arm. Then, I started to get tired... really, really tired. Ponies were talking in the background,

"Silver, your only job, is to make sure he doesn't get killed."

A familiar, feminine voice responded, "It's no problem. I even speak their langu-...

Then, I fell asleep.

* * *

A/N: Hi, I finally have a new chapter up. (Big thanks to Rapidroadkill for helping out with the story). Anyway, please tell me what you think. If you like it, awesome! I'll have more chapters up soon.

So, anyway, I have two new things in store for you. The first is that I'm making a one-shot, about a pompous king, versus Celestia. The second is going to be a completely new series.

About future updates for The Raffle, I will finish the next chapter soon, probably this week.

Thank you, and don't forget to leave a follow if you like the series. :P

-CakeEmperor


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